How do you make friends as an adult?

It’s not an easy task, but know this: you are not alone. When we asked our viewers about finding new friends since the pandemic, nearly 40% said they’re looking but struggling.

We asked experts and neighbors who’ve built meaningful connections to share their best advice for finding friendship.

Build yourself up

Marisa G. Franco, author of “Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends,” shared some of her best advice for making new friends. Taking care of yourself is an important step.

It’s okay if you feel scared or afraid, Franco said.

To combat nerves, remind yourself of your strengths. People will probably like you more than you think, she said.

“That’s all part of the process of connection,” she said.

It’s normal to feel some worry when branching out. Before you send that text message or head to an event, give yourself a pep talk to calm your nerves and boost your confidence.

“Take a moment before you’re about to go into an interaction,” Franco said.

Jessica Lewis, who founded PlayPlay DC, a community of LGBTQIA+ people who come together to find friends through play, says you can take inspiration from kids, who often seem to have an easier time making friends.

“What are they doing right? They are not in their head. They are being themselves,” Lewis said.

You can treat making friends like dating

We often feel that strong attraction to new friends (we like to call it a friend crush!).

“Romantic attraction can crop up without sexual attraction,” Franco said. “Romantic attraction as in, I’m thrilled by you, I’m excited by you. I’m passionate about you. I want to spend all my time with you!”

Many people compartmentalize friendships and relationships – but that could stop you from flexing social skills that are useful in both kinds of interactions.

So, why not think of making new friends like dating? You can get to know people and see who you click with.

Dr. Imani Cheers, an associate professor at George Washington University, shared a pro tip for a friendly pick-up line.

“Go in with a compliment,” Cheers said. “Just make sure it’s genuine. Be open to the person either saying thank you and walking away, or pause and have a conversation.”

And just like with dating, you can look for new friends online! Online friendships can be very meaningful, and there are a lot of active communities in D.C. Local Dischord servers, Reddit channels and Facebook groups like Welcome2DC can yield in-person meetups (take the same safety precations you would with an online date).

Rekindle relationships

Rekindling old friendships could be a good way to boost your social life.

“The first thing that I say is reconnect with people. Because those are people you already have trust with. The relationship will move a lot more quickly.”

Her “low-stakes baby step”?

Pick up your phone, go through your messages and see who you haven’t spoken to since this time last year.

“Say, ‘Oh, I was just thinking about you, just remembered this memory we had together and I wanted to check in,’” Franco said.

If they seem responsive, ask if they’re open to reconnecting sometime.

Worried you’ll come off as clingy or weird? According to Franco, the research suggests you won’t – in fact, if things just fizzled out without a good reason, showing your interest will likely spark good feelings.

“The research finds there’s this theory called the theory of inferred attraction,” Franco said. “People like people that they think like them. The secret to being likable is to like people.”

Finding your tribe

Franco’s next piece of advice is to join a group that has repeated meetings. Regular encounters make finding your tribe easier.

“You capitalize on something called the mere exposure effect, our unconscious tendency to like people when they are familiar,” Franco said.

City Girls Who Walk DC is the kind of group that offers a step-by-step path to friendship. They host weekly walks, happy hours and events, and even have subgroups including book clubs and a grief group.

Do you like sports, gaming, music or animals? Here are some specific ideas:

• Club sports are a super popular option. District Fray, Team DC and your local department of parks and recreation all offer programs.
• Play Play DC “is committed to curating refreshing, creative, fun, healing, and playful experiences for grown and queer adults.” Events range from concerts to basketball tournaments.
• Sober or sober-curious? BoozeFreeinDC is a great resource. (By the way, we spoke to the group’s founder Laura Silverman for Dry January).
• Volunteer at a local animal shelter or other nonprofit. The Animal Welfare League of Arlington is just one example.
• Hit up your local game store. Fantom Comics in Dupont hosts beginner-friendly events regularly. Labyrinth DC hosts general board game nights and events for more advanced players. Curio Cavern is another option.
• Try a book club! The D.C. Public Library has tons of options. Many bookstores offer them, as well.
• Meetup is THE website for finding activities with others who are open to friendships, whether you want to craft, find other couples, learn a language, drink coffee, talk a walk in the park…

Want to know what’s up for your weekend? Sign up for The Weekend Scene, our newsletter about events, experiences and adventures for you and for your family around the DMV.

The school district is paying $433,000 for 18 months of services from ParentGuidance.org, which offers a wide range of tools to help families navigate mental health challenges facing children.

LCPS Student Mental Health Services Director Jennifer Evans learned about ParentGuidance.org about a year ago and realized LCPS parents would benefit. She said it bridges the gap between school-based services and formal therapy intervention that many kids might not need.

“This is the in between to help parents navigate some difficult topics with their kids, gain some resources to know what is normal, what is something that I need to seek professional help for,” Evans said.

“We’ve created a set of resources … some of them are do-it-yourself, some of them are group and some of them are individual,” said Anne Brown, president and CEO of Cook Center for Human Connection, the nonprofit that created the website.

An “ask a therapist” section has common questions asked and answered. There are on-demand seminars with therapists covering topics like anxiety, depression, bullying, grief and loss, parent support, and suicide prevention. “My Life is Worth Living” is an animated series focused on suicide prevention designed for parents and kids to watch together.

Parents also can request virtual one-on-one coaching sessions.

“The coaches are kind of that liaison between a therapist, which can help them navigate those challenging conversation and help them know whether they need to seek professional help,” Evans said.

Next schoolyear, a live interactive mental health series will be offered, addressing topics of greatest concern to Loudoun County families.

The site’s only been accessible since late January, but 23,000 people have accessed it already, with more than 60 one-on-one sessions scheduled.

A child and adolescent psychiatrist warns that while the trend has some benefits, it could lead to trouble.

“Starting early with caring for yourself, being concerned with your skin, doing all the things that you need to do to maintain a healthy body, mind and spirit are all very positive,” said Dr. Asha Patton-Smith of Kaiser Permanente. “The challenge is how much time is being spent on this, what the goal is and when it doesn’t seem to be working well or seems to be obsessive or excessive.”

Patton-Smith said it’s important for families to remember that preteens are still developing their own self-concept and self-esteem.

“Developmentally, there is some kind of unsurety or insecurity in that space,” she said.

Nearly two-thirds of parents say their child is insecure about some aspect of their appearance, a recent poll by C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital at University of Michigan Health found. One in five said their teens avoid scenarios such as being in photos because they’re too self-conscious. The poll also found that adolescents were more worried about their skin and acne than about their weight.

A child psychiatrist shares advice for families on the tween skincare trend

For families with children who are interested in skincare and beauty products, Patton-Smith offered some advice.

Try to listen non-judgmentally: Be an “active, supportive, non-judgmental listener.”

Educate kids about what they see online: Teach kids to be critical of what they see. Talk about the filters used on Instagram, “the fact that everyone’s not perfect” and how reality may be different than it seems online.

Set a good example: Be careful about what you say about your own appearance or the appearances of others. “You can show them more than you can tell them. If you’re making comments about your body or other bodies or people that you see on TV or social media, that’s negative. Kids hear that and can be affected by that.”

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Talk about “the why”: Try to have an open conversation with your kids about why they want a product. “If it seems that, hey, you know, ‘My friend got this product and says it’s amazing and their skin feels great,’ OK, fine. Within moderation, within a price range that makes sense.”

Teach acceptance: Teach kids that products can feel nice or help enhance you, but “it’s not to change you, because we love you the way [you] are.”

Keep an eye out for any changes in behavior: It’s normal for young people to have some insecurities. But families should look for any changes in their child’s behavior, such as:

• saying negative things about themselves
• appearing to be more socially isolated
• appearing to be so obsessed with a certain thing that it interferes with daily life

If you’re concerned, seek help from a pediatrician or mental health provider.

Stay with NBC Washington for stories all this week on the tween skincare craze, from a look at marketing to one family’s experience and a dermatologist’s advice.

By Thayma Sánchez

At 17 years old, Abdias Funes Marroquin left El Salvador alone. He had $300 in his pocket as he journeyed toward Virginia to meet the mother he last saw as a baby.

He spent a whole month traveling toward the U.S.-Mexico border and then three months in a youth immigration center.

“You feel a little lonely, because you are alone, interacting with other young people or children from other countries,” Marroquin said.

Now 25, he lives by himself in Annandale, Virginia, as he builds a career and dreams of starting a family of his own.

As Latino immigrants sacrifice and strive to make their American dream come true, often living without their families, loneliness can feel inevitable. Here’s a look at immigrants’ mental health challenges and which culturally specific resources are available in the D.C. area.

The mental and physical effects of loneliness

The experience of being an immigrant can take a mental and even physical toll, said psychologist Jose Efrain Rodriguez, who works with immigrants as well as Latinos in their home countries.

“It’s the fact that I have gone through so many impacts and met so many people who perhaps have wanted to take advantage of me and the resources that I carry, that I have already exhausted them,” he said.

Immigrants can feel isolated and unable to make decisions and get support. In striving to create a new life in a new country, many people become self-interested and then feel even more alone.

“Individualism is not autonomy. Individualism is that I have interests and I am going to achieve those interests at all costs, and I am not necessarily interested in the wellbeing of others,” Rodriguez said.

Earlier this year, the U.S. surgeon general declared widespread loneliness a public health epidemic as dangerous as smoking a dozen cigarettes a day.

“We now know that loneliness is a common feeling that many people experience. It’s like hunger or thirst. It’s a feeling the body sends us when something we need for survival is missing,” Surgeon General Vivek Murthy told the Associated Press.

Loneliness can lead to health problems including headaches, insomnia, heart trouble and digestive issues, Rodriguez added.

For immigrants who have survived significant trauma, such as passing through the jungle of the Darién Gap, the effects can be as profound as a concussion.

“There is a psychological effect. Literally on a neurological level, it is as if we received an impact. An example of this is, think of a forceful blow to the head that leaves you unconscious,” Rodriguez said.

‘It’s not bad to ask for help’

As immigrants struggle with mental and physical fatigue and the effects of traumatic situations, a number of resources are available in the D.C. area.

Xóchitl López helps immigrants meet their mental health needs after she needed help herself. The Radiante program at the Baltimore organization Centro Sol assisted her after she arrived from Mexico and suffered an illness.

“Because I had been very sick, I had not realized that I was falling into depression,” she said. “When I was halfway through Radiante, it was as if the lights in the house began to turn on, and it was as if I began to see that there were flowers and other things. Then I realized that something was changing.”

López now serves as a mental health ambassador for Centro Sol, aiming to connect Latinos with available resources.

“We live alone in this country,” she said. “Many of us don’t have family. It’s not bad to ask for help. There are many organizations that can support us — we just have to allow them.”

Several other organizations in the D.C. area offer services to immigrants. In D.C., the Latin American Youth Center has a number of mental health services, including those for young people age 8 to 21.

“Along with mental therapy, we offer behavioral and trauma-focused therapy that focuses more on the individual,” Yesenia Molina of the center’s social services team said. “We offer group and family therapy as needed.”

Services also include a life skills program, a substance abuse program for youth, psychiatric evaluations and medication management.

Through a partnership with MoCo Reconnect, services also are available in Montgomery County and Prince George’s County.

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‘Seeing yourself with dignity’

Rodriguez, the psychologist, advised immigrants to work through trauma and feelings of loneliness so they can move forward with their lives.

“There are times when the adaptation cannot be processed, because I have resources that I managed to obtain, but I did not work through the trauma, and then there is a compound trauma,” he said.

“I have to see you as a human being, as a person with a need that has a life that has needs that I have to handle … that is seeing yourself with dignity,” he added.

López, who works with immigrants in Baltimore, spoke about challenging stigmas against mental health care.

“You feel bad, but you don’t know what’s going on with you. We don’t give ourselves permission for it to be mental health,” she said. “It is important that people know that they need to ask for help and that there is someone to help us.”

‘Don’t stop dreaming’

Marroquin, the immigrant whose journey from El Salvador ended in Annandale, said he hasn’t tried mental health services yet.

“In our countries, that is sometimes not seen as very necessary,” he said.

But he attends a church where many other immigrants go.

He advised other newcomers to the U.S. to rely on their faith and their visions of a better life.

“Don’t stop dreaming, and put your trust in God,” he said. “He is the one who takes care of us, and if it is his will, everything is possible.”

Changing Minds: Go here to see resources and stories in NBC4’s long-running Changing Minds series on mental health

Psychiatrist Dr. Joshua Weiner, who frequently speaks with NBC Washington about mental health, shares suggestions on how families can help students cope.

What are signs of high anxiety as kids return to school?

Some young people will speak up about being nervous that they won’t do well, that classmates will be mean or that a teacher will be nasty; others manifest anxiety in other forms. The most common ways kids show anxiety are headaches, stomachaches, diarrhea, saying they feel sick and having trouble sleeping, Weiner said. Anger and irritability also can be signs.

How can I help a student deal with high anxiety?

“The one thing as a parent that you want to make sure you do is just listen. Don’t judge. Don’t try to tell your kid, ‘Oh, there’s nothing to be worried about. Millions of kids have done this. Don’t be such a baby.’ Obviously not a good way to handle it,” Weiner said.

“The best way to handle it is to listen and say, ‘Look, it’s scary when there are unknowns, but you’ve gotta face it, and I’m sure with some time, like anything you’re anxious about, the more you push through, you’ll get used to it,'” he said.

Behavioral techniques and medication can potentially help, Weiner said.

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What are common reasons for students’ excessive anxiety as they return to school?

For preschool and elementary students, separation anxiety disorder can occur. Many kids aren’t worried about what could happen to them; rather, they’re worried about what could happen to their parents, Weiner said.

Parents can ask children what’s causing them to worry and potentially give them a “transitional object” such as a blanket, picture or “something that can make them feel more connected to you when they’re away from you,” Weiner said.

For middle school and high school students, social anxiety disorder can occur. Weiner said that for about half of the young people he treats for depression, social anxiety disorder is the underlying cause.

Walking through the halls between classes and social interactions at lunch can be major stressors.

“Lunchtime is probably the most stressful time of the day, trying to make conversation at the lunch table,” Weiner said.

What should I do if my child doesn’t want to go to school?

“If kids are refusing to go to school, you need to treat this as an emergency. This is not the time where you say, ‘OK, you can stay home for a few days,’” Weiner said.

He recommended reaching out to the school as soon as possible and talking with a guidance counselor.

Agreeing to keep a child home can cause larger problems, Weiner said. Students should be in school even for just a portion of the day, as they get more comfortable.

“At least you want to be making baby steps,” he said.

Go here for resources and more stories in NBC Washington’s longstanding Changing Minds series on mental health.

“On a mental health level, I definitely saw, in my friends specifically and those in my community, that anxiety, stress, depression — those things were definitely on the rise,” said Adria Weaver, a high schooler in Howard County.

Alyson Abel, another high school student in Howard County, agreed.

“I feel like we have the pressure to work, have a job, do extracurriculars, do schoolwork, and it’s hard for people who are not in our shoes to imagine what that’s like,” Abel said.

And they’re not alone.

The American Academy of Pediatrics released a study on Wednesday that examined mental health emergencies in young people.

The study found that emergency room visits have increased over the last decade, and hospitals can’t keep up.

Doctors are now urgently warning parents to pay attention to their kids, with emergency rooms overwhelmed with young people in mental health crisis.

Solutions include more mental health research funding, telehealth services, mobile crisis teams, and better follow-up after ER visits.

“This is not new, but it is worsening, and everybody better pay attention,” said Dr. Patricia Kapunan, chief medical officer for Montgomery County Public Schools.

MCPS’s research shows girls are especially impacted by mental health issues. It’s why the school system is planning a girls’ summit in October, to talk about things like body image and managing stress.

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“Just trying to wrap our minds around all the different spaces where we can provide better support for girls even as we’re trying to understand what is explaining this impact,” Kapunan said.

As for what those local students are doing, Abel serves in student government, connecting peers to resources and making their voices heard.

Weaver started a mentorship program called Beauty and Me, teaching young girls about self-love.

“I definitely saw how social media and insecurities can already affect them at that young age,” Weaver said. “I’m definitely passionate about it, because I wish I had resources like that when I was younger.”

Young people, for all the struggles they face, are finding ways to cope with stress, and paying it forward for future generations.

You can find more resources for yourself, or someone you love who may be struggling, if you click here.

About 11 a.m. June 23, officers responded to reports of a woman who attempted to kill herself at a bridge near the Beltway in Bethesda, Maryland.

Tyrone Robinson of Woodbridge, Virginia, saw it happened while on his way to work.

“Something told me to go on that side ramp to see if I could see her,” he said.

When Officer Michael Chindbloom spotted Robinson, the good Samaritan was keeping the woman afloat near Cabin John Creek.

“I was so glad to see him,” Robinson said. “I was a literally in the water for like 25 minutes. It was like something out of a movie.”

The two worked together to get to the other side of the creek where other first responders were waiting.

“Just trying to comfort her, give her words of encouragement,” Robinson said.

“Mental health is definitely a serious issue,” he said. “So, I don’t take that lightly.”

Chindbloom hopes they provided some degree of comfort.

“We can’t prevent everything, but there are multiple, multiple resources out there for people who are in need, whether it’s depression, whether it’s some other type of form of mental illness,” he said.

He said it meant a lot to him to see someone not in uniform help someone else.

“He was my hero because he was the one put his own life on the line to help somebody that he didn’t know,” Chindbloom said.

County Executive Marc Elrich gave awards to Robinson, Chindbloom, Sgt. David Hall, Officer John Chabala and Fire Inspector Rich Cavey Friday for their display of courage and bravery.

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or chat live at 988lifeline.org. You can also visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional support.

It’s a simple questionnaire patients fill out before the appointment.

“This allows us to have early detection and follow up for depression, which impacts our lives and saves lives, too,” Inova Behavioral Health Services President Dr. Linda Lang said.

Every patient starts by answering two basic questions about their mental health, Lang said.

“The questions are basically asking over the last two weeks, how often have you been bothered by little interest or pleasure in doing things,” she said. “And then the second question is feeling down, depressed or hopeless.”

Depending on how patients answer, they may get prompted to answer a few follow-up questions. If the screening shows warning signs for depression or self-harm, patients can get help in real time.

“A high score, which is 25 or greater, will trigger us to connect a patient with a behavioral health consultant right there in the office,” Lang said.

The new screening tool is being used across Inova Health System for anyone who’s seeing a primary care physician or visiting the emergency department and specialty clinics.

The rollout began in April, and they’ve already had success, Lang said.

“We were able to make a connection and get those patients into treatment where they otherwise would not have even really been asked the question,” Lang said. “So, we feel like this is absolutely serving the community and transforming the way we care for our community.”

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, almost 20% of people are affected by depression, and the pandemic has only made matters worse.

“Our memory can be affected by depression, our ability to sleep well, our appetite,” Lang said. “It is part of our total life and total health, and I think we want to see people holistically now and have it really be woven into everything that we think about.”

If you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or chat live at 988lifeline.org. You can also visit SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for additional support.

The frustrating quest for care can feel isolating. Prince William County Public Schools associate superintendent Denise Huebner had to leave the county to get help for one of her kids.

“I remember being on the phone and I remember saying, ‘But I need help, I need an appointment, you have to help me,’ and I was told there’s a six-month waiting list,” she said.

Inside the old Gander Mountain store in Woodbridge, Prince William County will launch a new concept in mental health care.

“Mental health was being swept under the rug; it is no longer so,” said Prince William County Supervisor Andrea Bailey, who is leading the project.

The crisis receiving center will increase access and capacity for mental health care. It will be an option for emergency response drop-offs and walk-ins.

Gov. Glenn Youngkin took a walkthrough Thursday.

“It will be a national standard and it will be in Virginia,” he said.

A CDC survey found when Americans seek mental health care, almost 40% face delays to get it.

In Virginia, the survey results are a bit worse with almost 43% of people projected to face delays.

Huebner works as an Associate Superintendent in Prince William schools and says their families are struggling with this.

“We find that our parents are having difficulty attaining appointments or immediate treatment, and our students end up spending time in an emergency room or without care that they need,” Huebner said.

The crisis receiving center – if fully funded – is set to open in late 2024, but it still needs about $2 million in annual operating budget. Youngkin hopes the state legislature will reach a decision on a budget that could help close that funding gap.

“When you call 911 in the District of Columbia, the most likely outcome if you’re calling about a mental health crisis, is that you’re going to get a police officer,” Michael Perloff of D.C.’s ACLU chapter said from a lectern in the Wilson building.

He wants mental health specialists — not police — to respond to those 911 calls for help.

“The system we have isn’t working,” Perloff said. “Police aren’t trained for this, and honestly this is a problem that we’ve just dumped on their desk, like so many other areas of life.”

Last year, the District joined states across the country launching the 988 crisis hotline.

People can call 988 for help in a mental health emergency, just as they would call 911 for a physical emergency, and speak with someone trained to handle mental health issues.

D.C.’s 911 call takers are being trained to divert calls for mental health related incidents to 988.

The ACLU released other recommendations it hopes D.C. leaders will embrace.

“The first is creating someone to talk to. These are crisis call centers,” said Perloff. “Second is ensuring there are non-police mental health responders… And finally, we need a place to go. What we need are community-based mental health facilities where people can receive the care they need in the community where they are.”

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The District does have a community response team of trained mental health providers who can respond to calls for help.

“The District invested resources to nearly double the number of trained crisis counselors and the Community Response Team,” the D.C. Department of Behavioral Health said in part in a statement. “The program has expanded from 12 hours a day to twenty four hours every day.”

The DBH staff will soon be working at the 911 call center.

In addition, the DBH told News4 they will continue to train DC police officers in the handling of mental health crises. The Metropolitan Police Department currently has about 150 officers who are certified as crisis intervention officers, and another 800 officers who have had mental health first aid training.